Dieting as a Distraction

The most surprising thing I've learned about myself from my intuitive eating journey is how much free time I have now that I'm not focused on dieting, and instead on my body's own voice. I was never aware of just how much time I was spending on thinking about food, what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat, and how I was going to burn it off until I decided to let go of all that. And apparently, it was a lot of fucking time.

I'm starting to realize that I was using dieting as a crutch of sorts. Instead of dealing with my problems, or pressures of normal life, I would just distract myself with dieting. I couldn't focus on anything until I had lost the weight, or until I had had my last meal of the night. Which made it very difficult to actually have time for much else.

Studies have shown that when people are deprived of food (whether self-induced such as dieting, or involuntarily such as prison, hostage situations, wars, famine, etc.) that the amount of time dedicated to thinking about food, and planning their day around food skyrockets. And through the process of extracting myself from these behaviors, I have to admit that it is dreadfully true.

My days used to be filled with my mind figuring out the "best" foods to eat, for which meal, how to divide what I was eating throughout the day, what food combinations would be best for weight loss, dreading if I was going to have to unexpectedly go out, or be invited to dinner or lunch with friends or co-workers. Dutifully waiting 4-5 hours to eat, even if I was ravenous, just working on ignoring my hunger cues, all the while thinking about eating.

Not a great way to start your day.

So what am I doing with all this free time? Besides really working on my blog to bring you amazing content 😉. Not much. I've been super bored the last few weeks, and part of that reason I believe is due to me letting go of dieting. Because, when you go back to listening to your body for hunger cues, you realize something, that your hunger cues only show up when you're hungry. And since you have agreed to honor your hunger, you really only have to think about food, when you're hungry! When you have agreed to no longer weight yourself and put weight loss above all else, you (eventually) stop thinking about it all the time. When you wear clothes that fit you comfortably, and you focus on movement that makes you feel good, you don't think about how much weight you "need" to lose, or how many calories you "need" to burn to have a "good" day.

You start to put your focus on other things, and these things can be scary. Such as "what am I doing in my life?" "What can I do for purpose?" And sometimes they are fun things, such as trying out a new hobby, saying yes to an impromptu outing with your friends or loved ones because you don't have to watch your calorie count anymore. You get to actually live life, instead of trapping yourself in a world that revolves around food, calories, and weight. Which can be terrifying, because it is what so many of us have done for YEARS. It's comfortable, it's familiar, it's habit. Letting go of a daily fixture in our lives is hard, but just like letting go of a toxic relationship, it is totally worth it.

Even allegedly "simple" tasks, such as figuring out what you want to eat for dinner can take on a whole new aspect. Dinner was super easy when I was dieting, because with so many rules, and conscriptions in place I was so limited that I didn't have to think about it. Because weight loss was my goal, it didn't matter if I liked it or not, because I would be so hungry by dinner time that I would eat all of whatever I cooked because I wasn't getting anything else for the rest on the day. Now, I have to think about what I actually like. By honoring my body and my hunger, some days I just have to pick something that doesn't sound great but doesn't sound horrible. Which on one hand makes dinner pretty difficult some days, but on the other, it is giving me a new avenue to explore completely and wholeheartedly.  Now I can try out new vegetables for the sake of taste and exploration, not a diet. I can cook dishes that I haven't cooked in years because it had carbs and fat in them.

Somedays I do just want to revert back, and some days I do better than others with handling that feeling. But just like every other aspect of self-exploration, it can be hard.  Humans are creatures of habit, and we love the familiar, even if it hurts us.  Stepping away from those harmful habits for something better is scary.  We are in the dark for a bit, until we learn to cultivate our own light.  But please know that you are not alone out there. There are tons of us in the dark struggling to have a better relationship with our body, our minds, and food. Even if you can't see us yet if you reach out you will find that we are there.

What have you been able to do with all the free time you have after giving up dieting? Any favorite new hobbies in your life that you didn't have before? Make sure to let me know by leaving a comment!